Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)


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Don Ferrette

Staff member
Supporting Member
Nov 25, 2003
This is just too funny not to share. Sad part is if this actually happened it would not surprise me one bit.......

The US Senate is set to pass sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans: The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA). President Obama said he will sign it as soon as it hits his desk.

The AWNAA is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition. 'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer. 'We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing. We are legalizing another protected class of Americans.'

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D) pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement 'warehouse' stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (a whopping 83%).

Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most inept employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?'

'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,' said Ken Cox, who lost his position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan due to his inability to remember 'righty tightey, lefty loosey.' 'This new law should be real good for people like me,' Cox added. With the passage of this bill, Cox and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.'
Once again I must keep my mouth shut so as not to offend anyone :lol: :lol: :lol: . I'm sure the prez would sign something like this as soon as it hit his desk-he fits into the AWNA- are you famililar with the seven P's Don?
don, i can't believe an article with percentages that low for retail sales & dmv employees. the results are actually much higher, they need to get their facts straight <_< :lol: :lol: . they start training them early with "no child left behind", imo. oh yeah, don't forget no winners/no losers in children's sports programs...........
I have always said that "we get punished for doing well" :angry: :angry:

Kind of like working in a Cat House, "the better we perform the more they f**k us"

Matbe that is why the country is broke? Ya think? :huh: :huh:

This was a wonderful place when the indians owned it. :D :D

Go ahead and beat me to death for my opinion, I'm old any way. :D :D :D
got to agree with the thought about the indians, jerry. when they had this country, there were no taxes, no pollution, no overcrowding, plenty of game, the women did almost all the work, & the men just had to hunt, fish, make love & smoke the peace pipe. if you couldn't be a man & act like one, you were kicked out of the tribe, an outcast. took the white man to screw up a system like that :eek: :lol: :lol: .

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