OT Christmas/anniversary present

[shawdaddy]

STUN GUN ( Only a guy would do this)

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for a wife. A guy who purchased

his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that

sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking

for a little something extra for my wife julie. What I came across wasa

100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. the effects of the taser were

supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your

assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.....

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it

home. I loaded two triple -a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the

button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I

pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same

time: I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth

between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on

the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new

toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two

triple-A batteries, Right?!!!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently

(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I

really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)

and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going

to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I

did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading

glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one

hand, and taser in the another. The directions said that a one-second

burst would shock and disorient your assailant: a two-second burst was

supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a

three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the

ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"

long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and

(loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself,

no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one

side to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second

burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad..... I

touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button and

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked

me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and

over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal

position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire

testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body

in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing

over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my fac

undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, stupid, do it again!

Note; If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one

note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you

zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged

from you hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A

three-second burst would be considered conservative.

SON-OF-A.....That hurt like **%!!! A minute or so later ( I can't be

sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits

(what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent

reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. Howe did they get

up there????

My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My

face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed

88lbs,

I am still looking for my testicles!!!! I'm offering a significant reward

for their safe return.

 

[nitrotwin]

Now thats funny

 

[glenng]

STUN GUN ( Only a guy would do this)

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for a wife. A guy who purchased

his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that

sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking

for a little something extra for my wife julie. What I came across wasa

100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. the effects of the taser were

supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your

assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.....

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it

home. I loaded two triple -a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the

button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I

pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same

time: I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth

between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on

the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new

toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two

triple-A batteries, Right?!!!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently

(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I

really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)

and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going

to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I

did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading

glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one

hand, and taser in the another. The directions said that a one-second

burst would shock and disorient your assailant: a two-second burst was

supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a

three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the

ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"

long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and

(loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself,

no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one

side to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second

burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad..... I

touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button and

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked

me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and

over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal

position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire

testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body

in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing

over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my fac

undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, stupid, do it again!

Note; If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one

note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you

zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged

from you hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A

three-second burst would be considered conservative.

SON-OF-A.....That hurt like **%!!! A minute or so later ( I can't be

sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits

(what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent

reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. Howe did they get

up there????

My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My

face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed

88lbs,

I am still looking for my testicles!!!! I'm offering a significant reward

for their safe return.

Think I've read something like that before Ryon-once ya push the button- ya can't let go. Cops here in Utah zapped a diabetic driver two or three times bout a year ago cause they thought he was intoxicated. Another guy stole a taser from a police car and zapped himself with it while his uncle filmed it and then was arrested when the police saw the video on u-tube. If I find your twins here in Ut. I'll get them in the mail ASAP

 

[TUNLBOTR]

Ryon,

VERY FUNNY.... Tom needs to create a best of O/T thread, between your taser story and some of the other stuf Don throws out, we could start a comedy show.

Merry Xmas

Randy